10 Tips to Get Someone with Dementia to Shower

Paula Birney, CMA
Certified Dementia Practitioner
Dementia Friends Champion
Owner, Arista Home Care Solutions

It can be challenging to convince a person with dementia to shower or bathe. Let’s discuss some ways caregivers can help, reasons why your person may be resistant to bathing, and how to ease their fears.

1. The bathroom may be cold. Use a space heater, warm the towels in the dryer, or run the water for a while to create steam to warm the room.
2. The hard spray of the shower may be painful for them. Some skin is hypersensitive to the shower. Perhaps a bath would be more soothing.
3. The sound of the water may be loud and frightening to them. Can you turn the water down? Can you fill the tub before they get in the bathroom? A hand-held shower attachment may work better.
4. Water may appear invisible. Your person feels surrounded by something but cannot see it. Allow them to touch the water.
5. They are embarrassed to be nude. They may be uncomfortable taking off their clothes especially in front of their adult child. Respect their privacy, dignity and sense of modesty by covering them with a towel when possible.
6. Perhaps your person prefers baths, and you ask them to take a shower. They may respond that they don’t take showers. So how you ask is important.
7. Know their preferences. Maybe they have always showered in the morning before work, and you are asking them to do so in the evening. Or they might find evening baths soothing rather than morning showers.
8. The process has become unfamiliar to them. As their dementia progresses, they may forget how to take a shower, where the towels and other supplies are, or how to turn the water on. Even the bathroom itself might be different if they have moved in with you or into a facility and that can be frightening. Fear of falling may be calmed by installing grab bars and non-slip bathmats.
9. Saying “No” is a way of exerting control. They are feeling a loss of control as they become unable to do many tasks they used to do. Refusing to shower is one thing they can control.
10. Finally, maybe they just don’t feel like it. Perhaps they had a long day of appointments or just came from a family gathering. Do they really need the shower right then? Typically, 1-2 showers per week is sufficient if they are not soiled or sweating.

We know that bathing is important. It helps prevent skin issues, infections, and odors but what else can we do to get them to comply?

As dementia progresses, there is a loss of self-awareness. Telling them that they stink, or it’s been ten days since they’ve showered will only make them defensive. They cannot smell themselves and they cannot remember when they last bathed. Arguing will not help the situation, but will exhaust and frustrate each other.

Do not threaten or punish your person. This creates bad emotional memories for them and may make it more difficult for them to relate to you in other ways.

Do not ask “Do you want to shower?” as the answer will always be “No.” How you present it really matters. Ask instead “Do you want to shower before breakfast or after?”

Allow enough time. Do not move too quickly. As a caregiver, don’t want to create anxiety or over stimulate your person. You may think let’s get this over with, but you want to be efficient and not necessarily fast. Make slow, thoughtful movements, explaining what you are doing and allowing your person to participate as much as possible. Maybe today you only get the top half washed, perhaps their hair only needs to be washed once a week. Sponge baths using a basin and washcloth are an option as well.

Lastly, do not persist if your person is in distress. If they start to yell, cry, or lash out, stop! Is there an unmet need? Observe and listen and you may discover what they are upset about. Look for what may be triggering the response. Changes can be made to reduce frustration and make bathing a more pleasant, relaxing experience for all involved.